Many have never heard the legend of the pheppings. It is a story of a secret band of river dwellers that have been lost in the archives of human existence. 
Save the whales? Sure ... that's nice, but they are just fish. (OK, mammals) ya ya ya ...Centuries ago, there were thousands of Pheppings. They were nomadic in nature, but mainly indigenous to the plains in the Midwest regions of America. Some say that they migrated from Canada during the 1700's, which seems totally plausible. Canadians like to huddle in groups of 5 or less.
What is concerning to me is
the demise and loss of breeding grounds for the phepping. They have lost most of their natural habitat to urban sprawl, which also causes global warming. (so does blogging)The phepping has resorted to pooling tribes along the Sagootchie Creek Bed in Mankato Minnesota. There, they congregate and eat chicken from the KFC dumpsters after closing. Restaurants throw away tons of food! (also causing global warming)
Here are the traits and characteristics that outline just what it is to be phepping. Please save this outline to your Google Documents for further review, then E-mail your friends. This story needs to be told .... somewhere, somehow.
1. They have a language based on Norwegian / Swedish slang, mixed with English and Spanish terms. An example sentence structure might look like this ...
"Peeka Seeka kikin hungree ... Verganz me cole oww har! Me's gettin em sem gravy. (grunt ~ grunt) Gettim outa me riva mothee effie?"
2. They crouch down and protect their food. Many
pheppings are compulsive criminals.3.Pheppings routinely wash their hands in the river, but rarely bathe. They have an odor reminiscent of dead carp doused with arm-pit sweat. You will probably smell a phepping long before catching a rare glimpse of one.
4. Many have families, but spend little time socializing. They are far to schizophrenic to ever become close to one another, nor any human.
5. Pheppings LOVE sticks, and whittle them into spoons and other beach tools.
6. They hunt and gather .... all of the time. One report from the "Underground Culture Blog" proved that pheppings will bury thousands of items gathered up from backyards of nearby neighborhoods. They return in the spring (like squirrels) to re-organize and trade treasured belongings.
7. Pheppings are endangered, and need our help.
To donate old toys, canned food with easy-open tops, and sticks, go to the Phepping Phoundation
For more information on this incredible and heartbreaking story, send questions and comments to: Phepping WIKI
16 comments:
I ♥ Pheppings!
When I saw the "finger licking good" picture I was initially worried you were going to say Pheppings are endangered due to over harvesting. Christen did say I should be concerned about the ingredients of so-called "chicken" nuggets.
Ummm...so...whales are mammals - but are Pheppings?
Sounds like what Pheppings need more than sticks and canned food is more breeding grounds. I am absolutely positive we could raise enough money for a small enclave of trailers or maybe even an old Motel 6.
Clearly, the overall balance of the ecosystem is a stake - Pheppings are counterbalancing global warming by eating discarded restaurant food and not wasting water on things like bathing.
Now is the time to act...the loss of Pheppings is a serious contributing factor to potentially catastrophic global changes such as glacial ice melt, the growing ocean "dead zone", extended school years, the delayed opening of the local custard and shaved ice stands, crop circles, the Bermuda triangle and alien visitations.
Deana ... the unstated TRUTH here is that the Pheppings are NOT counterbalancing global warming ... they are eating discarded restaurant food and FLATULATING ALL OVER KINGDOM COME! Pheppings, my friends, are the CAUSE of global warming. And the "dead zones" in the ocean are from the pheppings going diving and flatulating under water. All of those poor dead crabs and starfish. Sigh. They never saw it coming.
We must act NOW to provide breeding grounds with limits! Like in China ... one child per Phepping couple, so the Pheppings won't procreate with wreckless abandon. Get those Pheppings OUT of the oceans and OUT of the dumpsters and INTO a shower.
They are a *nuisance* I say! And THAT is my platform for re-election as the Phepping Advocacy chairperson.
hee hee heeeeeeeeeee.
Eric,
I just went to that Phepping page, saw Beany's post at the top of the page, was all excited thinking it was CURRENT (because I had never known what had happened to her ... did I lose her link before? I have no idea how I lost contact ... just thought she stopped coming by our blogs for some reason) ... so I clicked on her name and it took me to Aleese's post and that's how I found out she went missing.
Do you have any idea of what happened to her? Where is BEany?????
And Deana Estates,
your comments are cracking me up. I have written you "wind" poetry on the previous post comment section. :)
Oh dear those poor, poor Pheppings. I think I could walk around the yard and pick up a few sticks to send to them. I could at least do that much to help them out. :D
Hi Speedy! Thanks for making me laugh with this silly post. You got any more of that KFC chicken? Sounds good right now.
Dear Wendster,
I am concerned that by trying bathe, clothe and in some way assimilate the Pheppings we may be guilty of trying to subjugate them - destroy their unique culture and langugage by forcing them into our mold.
On the other hand, I really do see your point about the flatulence; you know...they have special filters at certain pig farms to handle the problem of excessive methane? Perhaps we could place the Pheppings in a pristine Phepping-friendly environment, suitable to their culture and reproduction, but encompassed in a giant methane-capturing tent - in fact, the methane could then be used for energy generation, and the Pheppings could use the revenues to sustain their culture and society, and flourish - maybe even establish an independent "Phepping Nation"! Complete with Casinos (gas masks provided to all guests for free, of course....)
Dear Wendster,
I have made a couple of abortive attempts at the wind poetry - it usually starts with some sort of romantic references to breezes, then devolves rapidly into references to digestive functions and loud motorbikes. Sigh. I think you remain the reigning queen of Speedy's Motorbike Mama contest - I just can't squeeze out the wind...poetry...
langugage - Perhaps you thought this was a typo? No! It is an important linguistic concept! "Language that is handed down from person to person like old luggage, without written rules of grammar, punctuation or spelling. For example, Phepping language." Definition created by Deana Estes, MSU ("makes stuff up")
I think we need to let them become extinct. Just saying.
Have a terrific day Speedy. Big hug. :)
"They have an odor reminiscent of dead carp doused with arm-pit sweat"
That made me GAG and Vomit a little!
Many pheppings are compulsive criminals.
They have an odor reminiscent of dead carp doused with arm-pit sweat.
They return in the spring (like squirrels) to re-organize and trade treasured belongings.
I'm not sure they are endangered or need our help. I think you've been looking for pheppings in the wrong places. Try Congress. I think you may be able to find them in great numbers.
I had no idea all this was going on..Phepping whoda thunk..:)
I'm going to start coming over here just to keep up with the comments! HILARIOUS!! :)
OMG !!! Such poor darlings :0 Here.. lemme write a cheque.. how many Canadian Tire Dollars do you need and who should I write it to ? I have a gallon of week old Timmy's coffee and some stale half eaten Tim Bits.. can I donate these?
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