It was a bad year at work, and something inside me snapped. Before I had a chance to reconcile with my brash, emotional reasoning, pure impulse led me out the door. I quit my job that day, and lit all the cars on fire in the parking lot. Great fun sure, but the explosions destroyed my own car, and I found myself on the run. I had arrest warrants in 57 states. I always thought there were 50, but the Marlboro smoking president said we have 57. That's when I fueled up the hog and called the old gang.
It had been decades since my last run, so you imagine my shock to find out the Hollarottons Motorcycle gang was still together. Time changes everything, even hairlines, but out on the open road time stands still. They were still in the illegal tortilla chip racket, and had a pipeline of cargo being shipped daily. The men on bikes were there to make sure that the county roads remained "open". If you have ever seen 99c Doriteetios at the dollar store, you have seen the contraband. Of course before re-packaging, dope was added to the powdered cheese. Once you start eating Doriteetios, you may never stop. It has been said they are the most addictive snack chip on the planet.
I used to ride out in front, like the first goose in the V, but part of being reinstated to the gang meant being last for a few days. This made my blood boil. Call me crazy, call me a loose cannon, whatever you want to call me, but this pushed me to subversive tactics. I beat the crap out of every last one of the Hollarotton bikers. It felt good to blow off some steam.
With a fresh new attitude, and a full tank of stolen gas, I set out to find me a new bride. I did not want to pick out a rotten woman again, so I jotted down a few prerequisites ...1. loves outdoors and camping
2. writes poetry about wind
3. likes bearded outlaws
4. happy in boots, happy in heels
5. wears too much make-up
5. colored hair a plus
6. smells good wearing leather
7. has teeth / or a good set of dentures
8. likes to french in the moonlit canyons
9. not afraid to take turns driving
10. hates socialism
28 comments:
I always suspected that you were a bad ass boy! ;) Concerning #2 I wrote a poem about the fart between my wings. Does that count? :-P
Cool photo of you on the moooottteerbic Zoooooooooooom
Speedy, you're CRAZY! And you're a loose cannon too! And you make me laugh. :-D
"has teeth / or a good set of dentures" HA HA HA HA!
Good to know you are setting your standards high. :-)
Hope you are having a good week!
I qualify but I'm too old for you. That and I'm already married to the love of my life.
You look very HOT on your hog.
You crack me up Speedy. Bwahahahahaha.
Have a terrific day. Super big hugs. :)
He-hee and what's next??? Dancing with the stars :)
Patty ... I had to laugh at your comment because two years ago I DID a dancing with the stars post. Ha ha haaaaa :-)
Sandee, if we both happen to be single in 2050, lets say we get hitched!
Hi Daisy! Yah, without teeth or dentures, buffets just are not as fun ( while biking across Americas )
AIR - please email me that poem !!!
HA HAAAAAAAAAAA
5. colored hair a plus
How do you feel about pink hair?
Anyway, 57 states? Didn't the Marlboro O say he had only visited 57 of the states so far? Thus, there are more?
Let me Google that...
Obama: "Over the last fifteen months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states, I think — one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii I was not allowed to go to … my staff could not justify it."
So, I think he thinks there are 60 states. The 57 he visited, the one he hadn't gone to yet and the two where he wasn't allowed.
At any rate, if you only have 57 arrest warrants, you're still good to go in Alaska, Hawai'i and one mystery state.
1. loves outdoors and camping - Which means you have no money and can't afford a motel.
2. writes poetry about wind - better than making wind, I suppose
3. likes bearded outlaws - Note - Likes beared outlaws but is not one
4. happy in boots, happy in heels - when you are wearing, or her?
5. wears too much make-up
define "too much"
5. colored hair a plus
Note - doesn't specify any particular color - or number of colors
6. smells good wearing leather - Doesn't everyone?????
7. has teeth / or a good set of dentures - I admire a man with high standards.
8. likes to french in the moonlit canyons - eh hmmm...french what exactly? fries? dip? poodle? On second thought - don't answer that.
9. not afraid to take turns driving - In other words - not afraid to let you drive sometimes!
10. hates socialism - unless it means sharing Doritos with you
"With a fresh new attitude, and a full tank of stolen gas"
AHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAha
Stolen Gas is cracking me up!
pssst we gotta a sooped 56 Chevy tuned by Junior hiself loaded and ready for a run tonite meetya at the county line on Old Roach Road behind the still she be loaded down with chips..
hhhmmmm 3 out of 10 ain't bad and not gunna tell ya which 3 :>
occurs to me dentures are preferable; you can hide them when you want to hog the doritos.
I thought for sure you were the leader of the pack!!! :)
Where are your golf clubs in your new life on the run? And were is MARDY???? And MILK? Oh my WORD! How can you survive without 7 gallons of MILK at your disposal????? Oh, the TRAUMA! :)
Hey!!! Does this mean you are traveling EAST???? Deana!!!! :)
I'm worried. I bought Doritos today and they were 99 cents.
If he's headed east you need to start the brownies! I'll head to the dollar store to stock up on other necessities (milk, chicken, 99 cent doritos and puppy chow).
Mardy is seated on the back, tiny paws wrapped arount Speedy's waist. Can't see him very well but I am sure he's there - with a bandana wrapped around his head. Good dog - gone bad.
HA HAAAA!!
I think these comments are better than my post. Thx 2 Deana, Chris, DCR, Cheryl, DEBO HOBO, Meleah, and Robert
Holy Moly!
I meet ALL TEN requirements.
***feels like beauty pageant winner***
Meet me out back of the 99c store. You bring a feathuh dustuh and I'll bring the dust bustuh.
I have FIVE of my own teeth.
and LOLOLOL @ dEana Estates
Let's all go to a POLYGAMY state (THAT'S the mystery state) and we'll ALL marry Speedy. And someone can marry Mardy, too.
Hmmmm ... I think I'll marry Mardy. But me and Mardy want to ride in a side car next to "The Hog".
Poetry for Mardy.
Oh Mardy my love,
My Kibbly bits,
My Kibbly bit my ear,
He nibbled my fingers,
He nibbled my toes,
And just now he bit my rear.
:)
And LOLOLOL @ Speedcat.
Excellent post.
HEllo Speedy!!!!
Drop by to say hi! have been very lately :)
So i see you got a new bike! You're no interested with your bicycle any more? ahhahahahah
Your bike look cool! Well just be careful not to leave your bike unattended while your at the bush!
otherwise Mardy and yourself have to wal home :) hehehhe
The ode to Mardy is priceless! I am still contemplating poetry about wind, but I think Wendster should write it!
Ive worked in a few places that I wish I could have SET ON FIRE!
You look FABULOUS on a Motorcycle!
OMG... I am DYING laughing hysterically at Deana Estes comments!
LOL @ Deana !
Hmmmmm ... wind poetry, huh?
He said he was "winded"
I said "more than you know
The longer I stand here
The more wind you blow."
. . . and by "wind" ... I mean ...
ha ha ha
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