Thursday, July 16, 2009

Pterodactyl Urine

Cave man wild speedcat looking for a mate wild cavewoman lady
I was out roaming the Midwest in 2020 BC .... and was hungry. No, not for bison, but for a new wife. I was trying to attract female attention to myself by pounding on a rock and screaming out loud grunting noises. I was also wearing a new cologne made from pterodactyl urine.

Just as I was about to give up, one hot, juicy, robust cave girl peered out from a distant bush. I initiated some visuals, and swayed my hips back and forth in a thrusting manner. She charged like a wild and injured Baboon, and waved her club in the air. Either an attack, or a wild romance was in store for Speedy CaveCat!

Cave Man Woman Club with a turd poop bat clubI opened my arms and braced for impact, which I estimated to be approximately 10 metric tons worth. With my eyes clenched, time seemed to stand still. Minutes went by, almost 4 of them. Slowly I cracked one eyelid open a tweak to see her poised to strike a blow to my cranium with her club .... but wait a moment, this was no regular club, it was a large hardened piece of dinosaur turd! I knew right away from the smell, because I once utilized a giant turd club myself.

I said, "Go ahead and swing lady, but that turd is not structurally sound, and will snap in half like a toothpick on my brain-bucket". She replied, "Onggnaggi bonga choogie lalala yha EEEEEEEEEE grunt grunt gagagagagaaaaaa navahonda oootchie moe, bonga bonga" .... which translates to the smell of that urine musk is making me HOT!

We were inseparable for years, until she became a MySpace tramp. To bad really, just not that much.

Cave Man Wall Painting

11 comments:

Zerilda The Superfluous Blogger said...

oh my BOB pterodactyl uring turns me on. yowza yowza!!!

and that hair. ooooh baby.

dcr said...

Cave women discovered MySpace and civilization went downhill from there...

Crazed Mom said...

Whoa. You are sone seriously romantic Neanderthal. I cannot comprehend why your race died out......................................................................................

Chris said...

Sometimes. There. Are. No. Words.

But maybe some serious chuckling!! :) Or, maybe that was cackling. Do neanderthals have chickens? If so, use some of their feathers for that hairdo of yours. It needs something. Oh, and I hear chicken feathers attract the right sort of NON-poo-carrying woman. Just sayin'.

Daisy said...

AHA HA HA HA HA HA! Speedy you are such a riot!

Just seeing your lovely hair in the picture on the Google Reader made me giggle and think "What is Speedy up to NOW? Reading this sad tale of romance and dinosaur turd clubs has touched my heart and tickled my funny bone. You are a crazy cat. ;)

Happy weekend to you, Speedy! Thanks for making me laugh. I hope you get the chance to go golfing sometime the next couple of days.




p.s. I like the fact that your lovely cave woman appears to be wearing a watch. AHA HA HA HA HA!

Miss Moneypenny said...

UR-INe using Pterodactyl Urine?

Your Pterodactyl UR-INe Shower,
Has killed my romantic Flower!

Cacai M. said...

hoizzt Speedy! whatta hair! (~_~)

Creative Mish said...

Is this a true story?? :)

Kim said...

tooo wild for words Speedy ...
a very attractive look :) ;)

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

"I initiated some visuals, and swayed my hips back and forth in a thrusting manner".................
Pitcha pleeeeeez? ;)


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And

Smooooooooooooooooooooooootch!

Connie said...

Maybe you should sell that cologne. Sounds like it worked for you.
Too funny. Love the pictures.